I really can't think of imaginative titles for my blog!!
My eye keeps pulsing! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
I have 3 dvd's that im borrowing from catherine, im going to be couch potatoe this weekend and watch them. I can do this because my mum is in devon and therefore can not nag me about doing revision. I showed her my time table regarding exams etc and ive got ages to go. Im not the kind of person who revises years before my exam, though im not someone who crams it all in the night before either! Im somewhere in between!
Im feeling really happy, probably cuz ive got exciting things coming in the post!! Oh and i may have given myself the day off yesterday, but no one knows that! Seriously, my mum is in devon, my dad gets back late and my sister always gets home after me anyway! Perfect! It was only media anway, we are doing stuff about magazines, rather easy!!!
I still would like to meet some new people, i spose i shall have to wait until uni, which kinda sucks actually! but oh well! oh btw when i mean new people i more specifically mean guys. though having a few more girl friends would be fine also!
Im not 100% sure of what to write now! Hmmmmmm! Though i have the urge to keep on writing cuz this is the only place that i can voice my opinons and no one will say " god u talk about urself a lot!" no one had said this to me but whenever i talk about how i feel i always feel that the people im talking to really dont want to hear. hmmm id like ur feed back on that please! i do value ur comments, they make me feel better!
i have a sore stomach, i think i have pulled some muscles. it was probably from the intense work out i had on tuesday. we did push ups, my shoulders have not recovered yet!
Im going to my dads office opening do tonight, im going as my dads plus one as my mum is away. should be fun having adult conversation. I want to prove to my mother that i am an adult and that i can make intelligent conversation. she said to me that i would get bored etc etc. why cant my mum just belive in me for once. constantly nagging and commenting about my weight. i hate to say this but im enjoying my mum being away this week. i am free, im feeling more adult. i have no one moaning about my sister to me, or how we use her as a taxi service. its not my fault i have activities, dont u want me to have a varied cv? cuz sometimes i feel bad for making her drive me, but how else would i get there? if i sat at home she would call me lazy. i just cn't win.
right, u've probably got bored of what i am writing! So i am gona go,
im going to research my family tree!
Bikbi xxx
Thursday, 3 May 2007
Friday, 27 April 2007
Howdy
Heya,
im happy today, i think its becasue its friday and i have sorted out over half of my entire A2 notes into piles etc! Ive just got to do some english ones and a bit of media when i get home! I couldn't be bothered to bring all my folders with me.
I think the others are going out to the cinema tonight, i can't go cuz i have to go and talk about being a scout leader in a pub in ruislip! random!!!! Though i wish i was seeing the guys, i miss them! Does that sound weird??? I hope someone misses me, sounds strange but i dont feel that any body would miss me if i disappeared from the group for any reason. Im probably being really dramatic and ott but hey one can never tell these things!
I dont feel any different now that im 18. Though i think it will kick in once i can drive! Weird i know! Oh well, who cares!
Looking forward to this weekend, i need a break! Plus its catherines birthday, wooo im soooo glad shes going to a chinease restaurant! A load of 18 year olds in a restaurant, hmmm i wonder how much alcohol we'll go through!!! One can only hope a lot! Wow i sound like an alchy! Im promise u im not, my parents keep offering me wine now that im offcialy allowed to drink it, but to be honest im not in the mood on a week night, i like to drink a bit if its an occasion or something similar!
Im going to go now, i hope that kat and cath havn't gone to the brazzerie without me!!! Wait wait! I neeeed foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!
Bikbi xxxxxxx
im happy today, i think its becasue its friday and i have sorted out over half of my entire A2 notes into piles etc! Ive just got to do some english ones and a bit of media when i get home! I couldn't be bothered to bring all my folders with me.
I think the others are going out to the cinema tonight, i can't go cuz i have to go and talk about being a scout leader in a pub in ruislip! random!!!! Though i wish i was seeing the guys, i miss them! Does that sound weird??? I hope someone misses me, sounds strange but i dont feel that any body would miss me if i disappeared from the group for any reason. Im probably being really dramatic and ott but hey one can never tell these things!
I dont feel any different now that im 18. Though i think it will kick in once i can drive! Weird i know! Oh well, who cares!
Looking forward to this weekend, i need a break! Plus its catherines birthday, wooo im soooo glad shes going to a chinease restaurant! A load of 18 year olds in a restaurant, hmmm i wonder how much alcohol we'll go through!!! One can only hope a lot! Wow i sound like an alchy! Im promise u im not, my parents keep offering me wine now that im offcialy allowed to drink it, but to be honest im not in the mood on a week night, i like to drink a bit if its an occasion or something similar!
Im going to go now, i hope that kat and cath havn't gone to the brazzerie without me!!! Wait wait! I neeeed foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!
Bikbi xxxxxxx
Monday, 9 April 2007
Hello back again!
Heya im back!!!
I have been urged (more like forced!) in to writing more in my blog!
I need to get a boyfriend! I go through stages where i dont need one but now i do. People will say to me i dont need one, or just hug your friends! Its not the same, to have someone who likes you and fancys you and thinks about more than is healthy and you feel the same back is fantastic! There was this one guy, martin, that i liked, but to be honest part of me looks at him says well hes not my type! Im just going for him because hes single and a new guy( i know wot i mean!) People say i should wait until uni and then id get all the guys. I can't wait that long. Plus whats so different about my now and at college. Surely i will just be invisible like i am now! I can't see myself being fancied! Can u? Im not liked now so whats the difference?
Man u lost the other day, but guess what, i wasn't angry, that was only because i launched myself into the world of dr who before the reality could set in, so the footy was forgotten about! Anyway watford beat portsmouth 4-2 today! Woooooooooooooooooooo that rules!
Im going to wales 2moz afternoon, i know when i get there im going to be depressed and lonely. Thats cuz i dont really know the people there, so i will be a bit of an outcast. Oh well! I always get in a reflective and sad mood when im in the countryside. Homesick maybe?? But when i get home i want to be gone again. I want to loose myself in the hills. Sometimes i want to be a victim so i get more attention. Thats bad i know, but its how my mind works. I get lost in my fantasy worlds as well. And when i come out of them i get sad because i know what im feeling in my world isn't true. And a lot of the time so far from the truth its scary. Kidding your emotions can be dangerous. Lucky im level headed enough and stable enough not to let it seriously affect me.
Im worried in wales cuz i want to look semi cool as theres another girl going who is quite cool. Y do i always feel i have to compete with other girls??? I think is comes down to my self-esteem, confidence and attention issues again. Damn!
Right im off to kill my ipod and my computer!
Bikik xxxx
I have been urged (more like forced!) in to writing more in my blog!
I need to get a boyfriend! I go through stages where i dont need one but now i do. People will say to me i dont need one, or just hug your friends! Its not the same, to have someone who likes you and fancys you and thinks about more than is healthy and you feel the same back is fantastic! There was this one guy, martin, that i liked, but to be honest part of me looks at him says well hes not my type! Im just going for him because hes single and a new guy( i know wot i mean!) People say i should wait until uni and then id get all the guys. I can't wait that long. Plus whats so different about my now and at college. Surely i will just be invisible like i am now! I can't see myself being fancied! Can u? Im not liked now so whats the difference?
Man u lost the other day, but guess what, i wasn't angry, that was only because i launched myself into the world of dr who before the reality could set in, so the footy was forgotten about! Anyway watford beat portsmouth 4-2 today! Woooooooooooooooooooo that rules!
Im going to wales 2moz afternoon, i know when i get there im going to be depressed and lonely. Thats cuz i dont really know the people there, so i will be a bit of an outcast. Oh well! I always get in a reflective and sad mood when im in the countryside. Homesick maybe?? But when i get home i want to be gone again. I want to loose myself in the hills. Sometimes i want to be a victim so i get more attention. Thats bad i know, but its how my mind works. I get lost in my fantasy worlds as well. And when i come out of them i get sad because i know what im feeling in my world isn't true. And a lot of the time so far from the truth its scary. Kidding your emotions can be dangerous. Lucky im level headed enough and stable enough not to let it seriously affect me.
Im worried in wales cuz i want to look semi cool as theres another girl going who is quite cool. Y do i always feel i have to compete with other girls??? I think is comes down to my self-esteem, confidence and attention issues again. Damn!
Right im off to kill my ipod and my computer!
Bikik xxxx
Friday, 2 March 2007
Sad, Angry and im probably gona cry in library!
Yeh well my happy spell really didn't last for long. Kinjal phoned me just now to tell me that ten people we invited arn't coming, including the guy i like. We changed our plans just for them and now their not even coming. And just to top it all off, their lying to kinjal and saying that their going to Pauls at 9.30, after the meal, but then other people are saying " r u going to kinjals?? no! wot time is pauls? 7.30" DONT FUCKING LIE YOU PRICKS. Its sooo obvious ur lying, kinjal deserves better than that. To be honest i dont want to go tonight, cuz i know the whole night will just be spent bitching about other people and to be honest i wont have fun becuase i built my hopes up for tonight. Everyone together, i could flirt! lol! It was my thing to look forward to, now its going to be shit and im not going to have fun, theres no one that i can flirt with or impress. Theres no fucking point in me going. I dont want to go, but i have to. Part of wants to go and make myself look good and inturn make myself feel better, but i know it wont. Putting on a false front is hard work, and just makes me more upset when i get home. I need some affection and im not getting it from anywhere, well apart from my cuddly cow, but to be honest that doesn't count at all. I need something to look forward to, the next thing is marys party but thats the last day of march and its only the 2nd today. I have my driving test in amoungst that. Everything sucks! I want to scream and scream and cry and cry some more. But i can't i have to show restraint. i dont want to go to my next lesson either. And knowing that i will have to re-tell this story a few more times today really doesn't fill me with joy. Im bored and upset and im not sure what else. I need fun and a hassle free world for once, i need someone, and at the moment i dont think i care who.
Bikbi xxxxxxx
UPDATE 16:29!!!
Ok ok so maybe i was being a bit drastic earlier! u know spur of the moment and that sort of thing! Im happier now. If they dont want to come then fuck them! Im gona have fun tonight and their not gona stop me! so there! nah nah nah!!!
Bikbi xxxxxxx
UPDATE 16:29!!!
Ok ok so maybe i was being a bit drastic earlier! u know spur of the moment and that sort of thing! Im happier now. If they dont want to come then fuck them! Im gona have fun tonight and their not gona stop me! so there! nah nah nah!!!
Wednesday, 28 February 2007
i can't see... how delightfull!
A quote from me this afternoon whilst sitting in the library next to kt!!!
Im feeling really really happy today! Im not sure why, maybe because its been a relaxing day, im not sure! Anyway i can't help but be excited for this friday. The thing is i know that nothing will happen between me and martin, cuz nothing ever does happen when i want it to! I suppose i should just stop looking and hope the someone comes along when i least expect it! ( well that will be another two years alone then!)
Yesterday i had a really insperational talk from Laura's ( my english teacher) brother. It really inspired me to becoem a journalist and go in to that form of business. The things he said proved that me and my cv are on the right track for doing well in the business! happy happy!!
Well again i am going to stress my happiness! happy happy happy!!! Im in a talkative mood aswell! I feel as sudden urge to phone kinjal! I think its because she has a connection with gossip and she generally shares the same feelings i do!
Well i must go! end of the lesson alomst! must look like ive been doing some work!
Bikbi! xxxx
Update 18:50pm
Well im at home now and in the end i didn't phone kinjal, i got to carried away with slouching on my new sofa! I dont know why my new found happiness was short lived, i feel a bit depressed now. Maybe its because im bored, i dont know. I feel like theres something missing and also i keep thinking about friday and i just have this 6th sense that nothing is going to happen. Im hoping by admitting this that something does happen but it wont! Wow i sound so pesimistic! I want to go to bed now but its a bit early isn't it!!!! lol!! Theres no one to talk to online and theres no tv programmes on either! I was hoping there was an interesting football match on today but theres not. Although saying that theres a Arsenal match on so i may get to Freddie Ljumberg! Yummm! Eye candy for the night! I use a lot of exclamation marks dont i! Well comment back ya'll!
Bikbi xxxxxxxxxxx
Im feeling really really happy today! Im not sure why, maybe because its been a relaxing day, im not sure! Anyway i can't help but be excited for this friday. The thing is i know that nothing will happen between me and martin, cuz nothing ever does happen when i want it to! I suppose i should just stop looking and hope the someone comes along when i least expect it! ( well that will be another two years alone then!)
Yesterday i had a really insperational talk from Laura's ( my english teacher) brother. It really inspired me to becoem a journalist and go in to that form of business. The things he said proved that me and my cv are on the right track for doing well in the business! happy happy!!
Well again i am going to stress my happiness! happy happy happy!!! Im in a talkative mood aswell! I feel as sudden urge to phone kinjal! I think its because she has a connection with gossip and she generally shares the same feelings i do!
Well i must go! end of the lesson alomst! must look like ive been doing some work!
Bikbi! xxxx
Update 18:50pm
Well im at home now and in the end i didn't phone kinjal, i got to carried away with slouching on my new sofa! I dont know why my new found happiness was short lived, i feel a bit depressed now. Maybe its because im bored, i dont know. I feel like theres something missing and also i keep thinking about friday and i just have this 6th sense that nothing is going to happen. Im hoping by admitting this that something does happen but it wont! Wow i sound so pesimistic! I want to go to bed now but its a bit early isn't it!!!! lol!! Theres no one to talk to online and theres no tv programmes on either! I was hoping there was an interesting football match on today but theres not. Although saying that theres a Arsenal match on so i may get to Freddie Ljumberg! Yummm! Eye candy for the night! I use a lot of exclamation marks dont i! Well comment back ya'll!
Bikbi xxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, 23 February 2007
Calmy eating skittles
ok ok so i nicked the calmly eating phrase of Kt who in turned nicked it off the importance of being earnest!!!!
Im feeling happy today, its because i am surrounded by all my friends, for once we are all together, which is nice. Im also not stressing about my weight or what i look like which is another factor adding to my happiness. Also i know that in my next lesson i wont be doing any work!!! I'll just be researching, which i dont think requires that much brain power.
I havn't seen mary in what feels like ages, i really must text her!!! I hope that were doing something tonight, i havn't been out all week in the evening! I need to socialise, i also need to plan this meal thing that my lot are doing, we need to book as there is loads of us! Aghhhhh!!!
I feel there is something missing at the moment, i have to be honest and a but stupid when i say i think its the presense of a boyfriend, many people say that i dont need one or wait till uni, but to be honest i dont think i can wait, im in a hugging and lovey mood at the moment, not sexually frustrated as some people think i am!!! Lol! I just need to have a hug, at the moment i'll settle a hug from anyone but i would idealy like it to be from a guy! It annoys me that people can't see the real me, i try to hard to let people see who i really am, but somehow they also manage to judge me wrong, its annoying. I so many different sides to me, people just think im some kind of dominating person, when im soooo far from that its unreal!!! Im trying to put nice pictures of me up on the net so people will change their opinions of me, somehow i dont think they will. Damn it !
Right i must go now, i need to get down to the other campus to "work"!!!!
Bikbi xxx
Im feeling happy today, its because i am surrounded by all my friends, for once we are all together, which is nice. Im also not stressing about my weight or what i look like which is another factor adding to my happiness. Also i know that in my next lesson i wont be doing any work!!! I'll just be researching, which i dont think requires that much brain power.
I havn't seen mary in what feels like ages, i really must text her!!! I hope that were doing something tonight, i havn't been out all week in the evening! I need to socialise, i also need to plan this meal thing that my lot are doing, we need to book as there is loads of us! Aghhhhh!!!
I feel there is something missing at the moment, i have to be honest and a but stupid when i say i think its the presense of a boyfriend, many people say that i dont need one or wait till uni, but to be honest i dont think i can wait, im in a hugging and lovey mood at the moment, not sexually frustrated as some people think i am!!! Lol! I just need to have a hug, at the moment i'll settle a hug from anyone but i would idealy like it to be from a guy! It annoys me that people can't see the real me, i try to hard to let people see who i really am, but somehow they also manage to judge me wrong, its annoying. I so many different sides to me, people just think im some kind of dominating person, when im soooo far from that its unreal!!! Im trying to put nice pictures of me up on the net so people will change their opinions of me, somehow i dont think they will. Damn it !
Right i must go now, i need to get down to the other campus to "work"!!!!
Bikbi xxx
Thursday, 15 February 2007
Holidays
I really really want to go on lost of cool and interesting holidays this summer. For example i really hope Amsterdam comes off cuz that would be great. Also going down to cornwall in a big group, staying at my uncles cottage and possibly going with someone to devon and staying at my auntys house. But i would love to go on another holiday abroad as well! Like kt and i were talking about Sweden, or somewhere like that! I wanted to go to somewhere like spain- barcelona or somewhere similar! But Sweden is cool to, u never know we may bump into some of the swedish footy team! lol!!!!
Ummmm aside from holidays, i really need a break from college. Im starting to get really run down, i think im coming down with yet another cold, my glands are up, my heads weird and feels like its been stuffed with cotton balls!!! If i get worse i may take 2mox off, but im not sure yet. I may meet my mum in watford later on, i hope i do because im in a buying mood. I was in one yesterday to, shopping for myself always makes me feel better!!! It must be a girl thing! Like shoes!!! I have WAY TO MANY pairs but i somehow feel the need to buy more. I think its because they can't make u look fat! And most styles of shoe fit u, and therefore make u happy! Like jewellery really!! Oh god i need to shop!
I also feel very comfortable today, mainly due to the hoody im wearing and my favourite pair of jeans!!! Im having a thin day today! I keep having a lot of those recently, maybe i have lost weight!! Lol!
I cant wait till friday, but i just can't help thinking that something will go wrong with the plans me and karl have made for the group on friday. If i try and organise something with the group somebody always disagrees with the plans and makes new ones, maybe its just to spite me or maybe not!!! (that was too dramatic wasn't it!!!) Actually because theres a massive group of us, someone is bound to complain about someone else who has been invited *cough cough* mary and abi *cough cough* *nudge nudge* lol!!!!! Awwww i really have no idea why the twins hate mary! Mary is very civil to them and she makes an effort but still they have a massive hate for her! Hey maybe Abi fancies her!! run mary run!!! hahahahaha!
Right, im going now!
Bi bi bi
Ummmm aside from holidays, i really need a break from college. Im starting to get really run down, i think im coming down with yet another cold, my glands are up, my heads weird and feels like its been stuffed with cotton balls!!! If i get worse i may take 2mox off, but im not sure yet. I may meet my mum in watford later on, i hope i do because im in a buying mood. I was in one yesterday to, shopping for myself always makes me feel better!!! It must be a girl thing! Like shoes!!! I have WAY TO MANY pairs but i somehow feel the need to buy more. I think its because they can't make u look fat! And most styles of shoe fit u, and therefore make u happy! Like jewellery really!! Oh god i need to shop!
I also feel very comfortable today, mainly due to the hoody im wearing and my favourite pair of jeans!!! Im having a thin day today! I keep having a lot of those recently, maybe i have lost weight!! Lol!
I cant wait till friday, but i just can't help thinking that something will go wrong with the plans me and karl have made for the group on friday. If i try and organise something with the group somebody always disagrees with the plans and makes new ones, maybe its just to spite me or maybe not!!! (that was too dramatic wasn't it!!!) Actually because theres a massive group of us, someone is bound to complain about someone else who has been invited *cough cough* mary and abi *cough cough* *nudge nudge* lol!!!!! Awwww i really have no idea why the twins hate mary! Mary is very civil to them and she makes an effort but still they have a massive hate for her! Hey maybe Abi fancies her!! run mary run!!! hahahahaha!
Right, im going now!
Bi bi bi
Wednesday, 14 February 2007
goodfellas
heya,
ive just been watching goodfellas in media, its a good film. It gets the balance of glamourising gangsters and the real life of gangsters just right.
Im in a happy mood again today, i think its because uni stuff is sorted and theres not tons of pressure at college any more. I can relax for a couple of weeks or so.
I thought as its valentines day today that my day would be awful and i would be really depressed. I assumed that tons of girls would be walking around with presents etc etc! But actually their not! Today is like any other normal day, thank god!! Though tonight i may have to stay in my room to avoid my sister and her boyfriend. He came round last night to hide some things for her, he's a romantic! My sister is trying to hide her excitement and act cool, but its not working! hahaha!!!
What is it with my head lately! I mean ive been remembering my dreams practically every day for the last month. I thought i only did that when i was worrying about something, cuz the remembering of dreams started around my exams!! Well i think im going to go home and read my book about dreams. Im going to disifer lat nights dream! Which was about me, mary and some random person. I think we were walking and it also had something to do with cars and wayne rooney!!! I wonder what my book has to say about that!
Ummm, hmmmmm, im not 100% sure what im going to talk about now! Ok ok, so i may say that i like this guy but he goes to another skl. Whenever i fancy a guy nothing ever happens, i just end up making myself look like a fool!!! Ive only told a few people who this person is, and i think im going to keep it that way. I dont want people talking! Its not nice when people gossip behind ur back.
Im bored! Im in a writting mood, i could type for ages, the trouble is ive got nothing more to write about!
Well im watching the footy tonight and maybe practicing my guitar if i can be arsed!
From bikbi
ive just been watching goodfellas in media, its a good film. It gets the balance of glamourising gangsters and the real life of gangsters just right.
Im in a happy mood again today, i think its because uni stuff is sorted and theres not tons of pressure at college any more. I can relax for a couple of weeks or so.
I thought as its valentines day today that my day would be awful and i would be really depressed. I assumed that tons of girls would be walking around with presents etc etc! But actually their not! Today is like any other normal day, thank god!! Though tonight i may have to stay in my room to avoid my sister and her boyfriend. He came round last night to hide some things for her, he's a romantic! My sister is trying to hide her excitement and act cool, but its not working! hahaha!!!
What is it with my head lately! I mean ive been remembering my dreams practically every day for the last month. I thought i only did that when i was worrying about something, cuz the remembering of dreams started around my exams!! Well i think im going to go home and read my book about dreams. Im going to disifer lat nights dream! Which was about me, mary and some random person. I think we were walking and it also had something to do with cars and wayne rooney!!! I wonder what my book has to say about that!
Ummm, hmmmmm, im not 100% sure what im going to talk about now! Ok ok, so i may say that i like this guy but he goes to another skl. Whenever i fancy a guy nothing ever happens, i just end up making myself look like a fool!!! Ive only told a few people who this person is, and i think im going to keep it that way. I dont want people talking! Its not nice when people gossip behind ur back.
Im bored! Im in a writting mood, i could type for ages, the trouble is ive got nothing more to write about!
Well im watching the footy tonight and maybe practicing my guitar if i can be arsed!
From bikbi
Saturday, 10 February 2007
social life!
I seem to have one! I know its supreising! lol! hahaha! I went to Marys on the 2 snowdays and im going to her house again tonight for a sleepover with her n kinjal n then 2moz theres a whole load of us going to hemel, its a bowling, ice skating and swimming thingy!! should be fun!!! And then damn its back college! how sucky!! Im in a very hyper mood today! Really not like me actually! I guess it because England won the cricket the other day and man utd and watford both won today aswell! And lol! England rugby team beat italy! So today is a great day for england! Wow i bet i wont be saying that again for a while! Im having another thin day today! Wearing my size 10 jeans! hahaha! im so happy!!! Right im off!! speak soon! bi bi bi bi bi
Thursday, 8 February 2007
haha
heya,
thank you muffins and kidney for your comments! They were both very funny! And yes muffins i shall join u in ur private world where England won the last two world cups, in the last world cup we beat Brazil 10-0!!! lol!!! a bit extreme but it makes me happy! And as for ur comment kidney, yeh i think i will go back to my scottish roots and heritage!!! lol! i must get a scottland shirt!!! Why the hell did England even hire Steve Mclaren, he was crap at Middlesborough, what made them think he was gona to fantastic with the England squad! SACK HIM! Thats what i say! And trust me its not a harsh statemeant to make!
Im happy today because i cleared things up with my mum and im having a thin day and im not at college! Wooohooo! hahahaha!!!! So im in a very happy mood, im about to go to kinjals! Well i say im about to, it will probably be in the next hour or so!
Well i havn't got much to say at the mo! So i will leave u with one final thought.....
is John O'shea gay?????
Bikbi xx
thank you muffins and kidney for your comments! They were both very funny! And yes muffins i shall join u in ur private world where England won the last two world cups, in the last world cup we beat Brazil 10-0!!! lol!!! a bit extreme but it makes me happy! And as for ur comment kidney, yeh i think i will go back to my scottish roots and heritage!!! lol! i must get a scottland shirt!!! Why the hell did England even hire Steve Mclaren, he was crap at Middlesborough, what made them think he was gona to fantastic with the England squad! SACK HIM! Thats what i say! And trust me its not a harsh statemeant to make!
Im happy today because i cleared things up with my mum and im having a thin day and im not at college! Wooohooo! hahahaha!!!! So im in a very happy mood, im about to go to kinjals! Well i say im about to, it will probably be in the next hour or so!
Well i havn't got much to say at the mo! So i will leave u with one final thought.....
is John O'shea gay?????
Bikbi xx
Wednesday, 7 February 2007
Umm.....
Thanks for the comment Joanne, unfortunately i can't stop thinking about my weight, but hey im not gonna rant about it in todays blog! Todays blog is allllll about my family! hahaha!
Well after college i said i would meet my sister and my mum in Watford so i could go shopping, so i did. The annoying thing was, that my sister keeps clutching her stomach and walking around as if someone has just stabbed her! Ok ok i know shes had an operation but was almost a week ago and shes been walking fine at home. So why the change in public?? Attention, and believe me, she got lots of it! This sounds as if im jealous of her attention. I guess i kinda am but in a weird psycho way! At home my mum has been running around my sister as if she were some kind of new born who couldn't do anything. My sister has been milking this appendix thing for a couple of days now, and my mum can't see it. Its soo annoying. I mean today in Pizza Express, the conversation was about my sister or my sister was doing most of the talking and making my look small when i said something ( she managed to turn everything i said into a blonde comment or insensitve comment! which they were not). So when the conversation moved away from her completely, she did the almost crying in pain thing. So my mum automaticaly blanked me, ignoring my problems, and went rushing to her to see if she was ok. And hey presto as soon as my sister had the attention she said " oh know im fine now, i can cope!" Grrrrr and then this evening, my mum has been snappy at me. Literally as ive been writting this me and mum have had a chat and she now knows my feelings but i still feel angry towards her. I can't help it.
Right im off to watch England be smussshed by spain!!!!
Bi bi xxxxx
Well after college i said i would meet my sister and my mum in Watford so i could go shopping, so i did. The annoying thing was, that my sister keeps clutching her stomach and walking around as if someone has just stabbed her! Ok ok i know shes had an operation but was almost a week ago and shes been walking fine at home. So why the change in public?? Attention, and believe me, she got lots of it! This sounds as if im jealous of her attention. I guess i kinda am but in a weird psycho way! At home my mum has been running around my sister as if she were some kind of new born who couldn't do anything. My sister has been milking this appendix thing for a couple of days now, and my mum can't see it. Its soo annoying. I mean today in Pizza Express, the conversation was about my sister or my sister was doing most of the talking and making my look small when i said something ( she managed to turn everything i said into a blonde comment or insensitve comment! which they were not). So when the conversation moved away from her completely, she did the almost crying in pain thing. So my mum automaticaly blanked me, ignoring my problems, and went rushing to her to see if she was ok. And hey presto as soon as my sister had the attention she said " oh know im fine now, i can cope!" Grrrrr and then this evening, my mum has been snappy at me. Literally as ive been writting this me and mum have had a chat and she now knows my feelings but i still feel angry towards her. I can't help it.
Right im off to watch England be smussshed by spain!!!!
Bi bi xxxxx
Tuesday, 6 February 2007
today
well today people have been talking to me about my last post, my weight to be precise. It seems that you guys dont think that i am fat and u dont think i need to loose weight either! Its kind of to say that, but really im only just in my ideal weight zone i would really like to be about 9 stone! BUT as Joanna said i do have muscles as well as fat so maybe thats to blame for my scales hating me! Im feeling better today about how i look, probably because my jeans suck my butt in! lol!
Ive figured out what the England team to face Spain will look like, i have a horrible feeling, that were gona loose! lol! If Wayne Rooney and Paul Robinson had been starting then i would have been more confident, but as their not, im worried! Its only a friendly but its still embarrasing when we loose. I wish England could be good at one sport! JUST ONE! Thats all i ask!
Ok ok!!! Hmm what next!? Oh god i know! Ive got a black belt class tonight, i hate going there, especially as Kieran (friend-enemy!) is going to be there. Shes only a brown belt (i would have been that but i was put on the fast track programme!) , though she thinks she knows everything, and makes me look stupid. Every week i go with a fake confidence, but by the end ive embarrased myself by doing something! The worst 2 hrs of my week i feel!! Oh well i have to attend these stupid things!
Hmmm im not sure what else to say!!
Bi bi!
Ive figured out what the England team to face Spain will look like, i have a horrible feeling, that were gona loose! lol! If Wayne Rooney and Paul Robinson had been starting then i would have been more confident, but as their not, im worried! Its only a friendly but its still embarrasing when we loose. I wish England could be good at one sport! JUST ONE! Thats all i ask!
Ok ok!!! Hmm what next!? Oh god i know! Ive got a black belt class tonight, i hate going there, especially as Kieran (friend-enemy!) is going to be there. Shes only a brown belt (i would have been that but i was put on the fast track programme!) , though she thinks she knows everything, and makes me look stupid. Every week i go with a fake confidence, but by the end ive embarrased myself by doing something! The worst 2 hrs of my week i feel!! Oh well i have to attend these stupid things!
Hmmm im not sure what else to say!!
Bi bi!
Monday, 5 February 2007
Update to I wish...........
OK so am happier now that i have had lunch! I also heard that Wayne Rooney is going to be allowed to train with the England squad which must mean that he is virtualy fit! Woooo! We may even draw the england game! Good God!!!
I wish........
that i went into london today with mary. College is boring and hardly anyone is in. Not cath, kat or anne. Its just me and Daniel. Ive exhausted the internet, there are only so many articles i can read on Van der Sars broken nose or how big phil thinks Ronaldo should go to Barcelona! Lol! Im sooo hungry! Though my new found fitnes and diet regieme is stopping me from eating. Ive decided to do some basic exercise in the evening and morning. Including sit ups, press ups, squats and something else im not sure of the propper name!! I was very motivated last night. The reason was because i was talking about my birthday party and i really want to look good for my 18th and the summer as well, so that has spured me on to loose weight and look good! I have no idea how long this phase will last! I think im going to look back to the rosemary connely diet, i lost a lot of weight on that! Eeeeeeek months of hell is to come! Oh great!!!
Well my sis was in hospital with Apendicitus! So she had her appendix whipped out on friday evening! There is soooo much i could moan about regarding her, the hospital and the nhs in general. I wont bore u to death so put it this way, when im older if i can afford it, i will go private!! There is no effing way im gona put my life or my families life in the hands of the nhs ever again (if i can help it!). Well my sis came home yesterday, shes walking like an old man! Which is funny. I told her she can now do dot to dot on her stomach, she wasn't best pleased!!
Im really hungry still! My gosh i dont think i can wait another hour! Oh well looks like i'll have to! Ive been on ebay looking for wwe raw tickets, ive found some that look good, but the college computers went weird and i had to log off and then i tried again and the same thing happened! So im not gona bother looking here, im gona wait till i get home!
Last week went really quickly, i was genuinly going to do lots of guitar practice, but the week went to quickly that i never actually got to do any. So when i get back today, im going to write and practice like mad, in the vain hope my guitar teacher wont notice the lack of practice! I'll let u know how that goes.
It really sucks that no one is here! The one day i bring the invites for the girly night Anne isn't here and neiter is anyone else! The only one i handed out was to Joanna and the chances of her coming are very very very small! Oh well thats the way it goes i suppose! Oh yeh, and i have been lugging around kats belt in my bag as well. Its bloody heavy! And guess what, shes not here! Though i think she has a good excuse, i think shes taking her driving theory!!! But still, my bag is wayyyyy heavier than it should be. Most of the stuff i brought today i didn't even need. I tell you, Media better be worth going to, otherwise im gona sooooo angry that today is a waste of my time. I could have been in london have a good time and stuffing myself with Pizza and meeting famous people. But no, my dad guilt tripped me into coming here, and for what? NOTHING. Im very pissed off at the moment. Im hungry,no one is here, in lonely, Wayne Rooney may be out of the England game and Edwin Van der Sar has broken his nose. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Although on a lighter note, the England Rugby team beat Scotland 42-20!! Woo and Man Utd crushed Tottenham 4-0! hahahahahahahahaha at White Hart Lane as well! Wooo we rule! And see John 0'shea in goal was the funniest thing ive seen all year! He managed to stop a dead cert goal by tackling the player! But he did fail to catch any of the balls he just punched desperately at them! Very funny!!
Had a dream about Ronaldo last night, i dreamt i was dancing with him! And then i was some kids communian and then i was in a skl. And mary had told me to wait in the loos and she would meet me there. So i waited and she didn't come. So i stormed into what must have been my classroom and started to yell at Mary becasue she left me there. Man i got angry. I dont think there was a teacher there, if there was, i didn't see one! I wonder what that dream means anyway???? Oh well!
Another thing related to my sisters hospital stint was that apparently I was the one keeping everything together!!!! Lol! I was being the positive, happy one. This confuzzles me because i was really really scared and didn't feel happy at all. On sunday at dinner, i told my sister to smile and my mother replied "she can't smile when shes in pain" Stupid cow. I was only trying to cheer my sister up. So i got stroppy and did the emotive "I was only trying to help, no one bothers to listen to me, im going into the other room" My Dad followed and said that i had been a big help and he also said he told my mother off for being horrible! My mum has really pissed me off lately, i know the hospital thing was hard on her, but it was hard on me too. Just because i wasn't by my sister 24/7 doesn't mean that i dont care about her. I was really really scared on Thursday when my mum told me about Cath. I was standing in the middle of the mosh pit trying not to cry or go home that instant. I did enjoy the gig but i hardly slept that night. I dont think anyone knew how much it affected me, all i could think of was what happens if she gets a super bug or if the surgeons cut an artery. Im gona stay out of the way this week, my parents are asking me questions all the effing time and i can't handle it. Im just getting depressed, i have no idea why and no reason to either.
I guess part of the reason is that i feel im slipping away from Mary. She seems to spend tons of time with the guys and now shes got Steve. Also Kinjal seems to know a lot more about what Mary gets up to than i do. I feel im competeing for best friend spot with Kinjal. I dont want to do that. I havn't had any alone time with Mary for ages, i tried to make arrangements for yesterday because i thought thats what Mary wanted, but she said she was busy with her mum. I mean thats fine but i did think that she wanted to do something that day, it was her idea and all of a sudden shes changed her plans. It pissed me off a bit because i wanted to go out, i needed to get out of the house badly, my parents were moaning and my sis was being lippy. Oh well!!!
In the group i feel 2nd best to everyone, no one seems to really talk to me that much, via karl. Im trying but i still feel unwanted.
My god i dont think i will write anymore! It looks like ive turned really emo! Which is a bad thing!!
Right, comment me!!!
Bikbi xxxx
Well my sis was in hospital with Apendicitus! So she had her appendix whipped out on friday evening! There is soooo much i could moan about regarding her, the hospital and the nhs in general. I wont bore u to death so put it this way, when im older if i can afford it, i will go private!! There is no effing way im gona put my life or my families life in the hands of the nhs ever again (if i can help it!). Well my sis came home yesterday, shes walking like an old man! Which is funny. I told her she can now do dot to dot on her stomach, she wasn't best pleased!!
Im really hungry still! My gosh i dont think i can wait another hour! Oh well looks like i'll have to! Ive been on ebay looking for wwe raw tickets, ive found some that look good, but the college computers went weird and i had to log off and then i tried again and the same thing happened! So im not gona bother looking here, im gona wait till i get home!
Last week went really quickly, i was genuinly going to do lots of guitar practice, but the week went to quickly that i never actually got to do any. So when i get back today, im going to write and practice like mad, in the vain hope my guitar teacher wont notice the lack of practice! I'll let u know how that goes.
It really sucks that no one is here! The one day i bring the invites for the girly night Anne isn't here and neiter is anyone else! The only one i handed out was to Joanna and the chances of her coming are very very very small! Oh well thats the way it goes i suppose! Oh yeh, and i have been lugging around kats belt in my bag as well. Its bloody heavy! And guess what, shes not here! Though i think she has a good excuse, i think shes taking her driving theory!!! But still, my bag is wayyyyy heavier than it should be. Most of the stuff i brought today i didn't even need. I tell you, Media better be worth going to, otherwise im gona sooooo angry that today is a waste of my time. I could have been in london have a good time and stuffing myself with Pizza and meeting famous people. But no, my dad guilt tripped me into coming here, and for what? NOTHING. Im very pissed off at the moment. Im hungry,no one is here, in lonely, Wayne Rooney may be out of the England game and Edwin Van der Sar has broken his nose. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Although on a lighter note, the England Rugby team beat Scotland 42-20!! Woo and Man Utd crushed Tottenham 4-0! hahahahahahahahaha at White Hart Lane as well! Wooo we rule! And see John 0'shea in goal was the funniest thing ive seen all year! He managed to stop a dead cert goal by tackling the player! But he did fail to catch any of the balls he just punched desperately at them! Very funny!!
Had a dream about Ronaldo last night, i dreamt i was dancing with him! And then i was some kids communian and then i was in a skl. And mary had told me to wait in the loos and she would meet me there. So i waited and she didn't come. So i stormed into what must have been my classroom and started to yell at Mary becasue she left me there. Man i got angry. I dont think there was a teacher there, if there was, i didn't see one! I wonder what that dream means anyway???? Oh well!
Another thing related to my sisters hospital stint was that apparently I was the one keeping everything together!!!! Lol! I was being the positive, happy one. This confuzzles me because i was really really scared and didn't feel happy at all. On sunday at dinner, i told my sister to smile and my mother replied "she can't smile when shes in pain" Stupid cow. I was only trying to cheer my sister up. So i got stroppy and did the emotive "I was only trying to help, no one bothers to listen to me, im going into the other room" My Dad followed and said that i had been a big help and he also said he told my mother off for being horrible! My mum has really pissed me off lately, i know the hospital thing was hard on her, but it was hard on me too. Just because i wasn't by my sister 24/7 doesn't mean that i dont care about her. I was really really scared on Thursday when my mum told me about Cath. I was standing in the middle of the mosh pit trying not to cry or go home that instant. I did enjoy the gig but i hardly slept that night. I dont think anyone knew how much it affected me, all i could think of was what happens if she gets a super bug or if the surgeons cut an artery. Im gona stay out of the way this week, my parents are asking me questions all the effing time and i can't handle it. Im just getting depressed, i have no idea why and no reason to either.
I guess part of the reason is that i feel im slipping away from Mary. She seems to spend tons of time with the guys and now shes got Steve. Also Kinjal seems to know a lot more about what Mary gets up to than i do. I feel im competeing for best friend spot with Kinjal. I dont want to do that. I havn't had any alone time with Mary for ages, i tried to make arrangements for yesterday because i thought thats what Mary wanted, but she said she was busy with her mum. I mean thats fine but i did think that she wanted to do something that day, it was her idea and all of a sudden shes changed her plans. It pissed me off a bit because i wanted to go out, i needed to get out of the house badly, my parents were moaning and my sis was being lippy. Oh well!!!
In the group i feel 2nd best to everyone, no one seems to really talk to me that much, via karl. Im trying but i still feel unwanted.
My god i dont think i will write anymore! It looks like ive turned really emo! Which is a bad thing!!
Right, comment me!!!
Bikbi xxxx
Wednesday, 31 January 2007
things 2!
why can't i ever think of an exciting title to put on my blog?!!!! grrrrr!
Anyway!! Im feeling a bit bored with life at the moment, i know my b'day party will be great but thats in April. I need something to look forward to soon. Kinjals told me about the aquasplash thing in a couple of weeks! But that does mean i have to put on my tankini! Which i WILL feel very self concious in. I will deff look like the fat friend, in fact i will be the only person there who will look awful! I mean i know kinjal will moan about her, but i dont think she will look as bad as me! Aghhhhhhhhhh!!!! Oh well! I can be the fat fat friend for a day! Lets hope i loose some weight before then! (fat chance!) Oh well i can worry about for a few weeks and dream about being thin and getting lots of attention! But sadly i can't loose 2 stone in 2/3 weeks!!!! I can't loose that in 2 years let alone that!!!!
Well im not 100% sure what to talk about now! So any advice or subject topics would be well aprciated!
From Bikbi! xxxx
Anyway!! Im feeling a bit bored with life at the moment, i know my b'day party will be great but thats in April. I need something to look forward to soon. Kinjals told me about the aquasplash thing in a couple of weeks! But that does mean i have to put on my tankini! Which i WILL feel very self concious in. I will deff look like the fat friend, in fact i will be the only person there who will look awful! I mean i know kinjal will moan about her, but i dont think she will look as bad as me! Aghhhhhhhhhh!!!! Oh well! I can be the fat fat friend for a day! Lets hope i loose some weight before then! (fat chance!) Oh well i can worry about for a few weeks and dream about being thin and getting lots of attention! But sadly i can't loose 2 stone in 2/3 weeks!!!! I can't loose that in 2 years let alone that!!!!
Well im not 100% sure what to talk about now! So any advice or subject topics would be well aprciated!
From Bikbi! xxxx
Tuesday, 30 January 2007
Things
Sorry not a very imaginative title to my blog!
Aghh ive booked my driving test! Lol! Im really scared! I really hope i pass. I was so sure that Mary would pass and when she didn't, it dawned on me that i have no chance! There are so many errors to my driving and there were hardly any to marys driving ( so she told me!) so really i have no chance! Oh great nevermind!
Wow im really enjoying the wwe wrestling at the moment! I want to tell the world what happened over the past few days! Unfortunatly no gives a damn! So i guess i will tell myself what happened! Lol! Actually maybe i could pin my day down for a few minutes and force feed him the information i have! That could work!
Ive been having dreams recently about the famous people i fancy! Very weird! One night it was John Cena and he was being sent to Iraq! Random! And last night it was Kane and Jason Statham! The weird thing was, Kane was apparently from New Zealand (which hes not!) and he had a london accent! HOW DOES THAT WORK!!?!!! Also in my dream last night was Jason Statham!!! Wow my dreams are good to me! And then damn it i wake up!!
As for my person emtion, fuck knows whats going on. I can't work out if im happy or sad or what! Its very weird! Oh well!!!!
Speak soon,
Bikbi
Aghh ive booked my driving test! Lol! Im really scared! I really hope i pass. I was so sure that Mary would pass and when she didn't, it dawned on me that i have no chance! There are so many errors to my driving and there were hardly any to marys driving ( so she told me!) so really i have no chance! Oh great nevermind!
Wow im really enjoying the wwe wrestling at the moment! I want to tell the world what happened over the past few days! Unfortunatly no gives a damn! So i guess i will tell myself what happened! Lol! Actually maybe i could pin my day down for a few minutes and force feed him the information i have! That could work!
Ive been having dreams recently about the famous people i fancy! Very weird! One night it was John Cena and he was being sent to Iraq! Random! And last night it was Kane and Jason Statham! The weird thing was, Kane was apparently from New Zealand (which hes not!) and he had a london accent! HOW DOES THAT WORK!!?!!! Also in my dream last night was Jason Statham!!! Wow my dreams are good to me! And then damn it i wake up!!
As for my person emtion, fuck knows whats going on. I can't work out if im happy or sad or what! Its very weird! Oh well!!!!
Speak soon,
Bikbi
Thursday, 18 January 2007
Ummmmmmmm
I havn't written a blog in a while because there has not been anything significant going on!
Ok first lets get my moans out of the way!
1) My mother keeps on commenting about my weight, and how much food i eat. If she actualy paid closer attention to me rather than my sister, she would realise that i eat the same amout she does, and my dad does and my sister does. In fact my sister eats more than i do, so why is it that my mother decides to bug me about my weight. I look at myself in the mirror the other day. I have a good body i thought to myself, these thoughts were almost shattered as soon as walked down stairs in to the kitchen. She said "i hope ur not getting any food" I felt like i was going kill her, the plan 1 orange + 1 throat= dead mother. But i just gritted my teeth and got myself a drink and calmly sat down in the living room to prove my mother wrong. Every time i talk about unhealthy food she acts as if its the devil. All i asked for the other day was whether i could have cheese cake on sunday. She snapped at me straight away, saying i was going to get fat. I can't wait for uni now, if u get in of course!
2) Aghhh exams!!! Lol! well i only have 2 left, but to behonest im scared about them. Its media and english i have left now, the hard ones! As if that wasn't bad enough, i have my convntry interview on the saturday before my final exam. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Anyway back to nice thoughts! lol! It was funny to hear that me and kt are meant to be getting married! That kept us amused for about 2 hours!!!! Aghhhh their trying to recruit us to go to Rocky Horror again! I have no money! If i was rich and didn't have an any exams of course i would go along!
You know what, i still dont have my man utd goaly socks! Grrrr! Their green aswell! GREEN! Totaly against the bananna conspiracy!
Well im not quite sure what to talk about now, i may update later...............................................
if i can be arsed!!!!
From
bikbi and happy tree :-) xxxxx
Ok first lets get my moans out of the way!
1) My mother keeps on commenting about my weight, and how much food i eat. If she actualy paid closer attention to me rather than my sister, she would realise that i eat the same amout she does, and my dad does and my sister does. In fact my sister eats more than i do, so why is it that my mother decides to bug me about my weight. I look at myself in the mirror the other day. I have a good body i thought to myself, these thoughts were almost shattered as soon as walked down stairs in to the kitchen. She said "i hope ur not getting any food" I felt like i was going kill her, the plan 1 orange + 1 throat= dead mother. But i just gritted my teeth and got myself a drink and calmly sat down in the living room to prove my mother wrong. Every time i talk about unhealthy food she acts as if its the devil. All i asked for the other day was whether i could have cheese cake on sunday. She snapped at me straight away, saying i was going to get fat. I can't wait for uni now, if u get in of course!
2) Aghhh exams!!! Lol! well i only have 2 left, but to behonest im scared about them. Its media and english i have left now, the hard ones! As if that wasn't bad enough, i have my convntry interview on the saturday before my final exam. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Anyway back to nice thoughts! lol! It was funny to hear that me and kt are meant to be getting married! That kept us amused for about 2 hours!!!! Aghhhh their trying to recruit us to go to Rocky Horror again! I have no money! If i was rich and didn't have an any exams of course i would go along!
You know what, i still dont have my man utd goaly socks! Grrrr! Their green aswell! GREEN! Totaly against the bananna conspiracy!
Well im not quite sure what to talk about now, i may update later...............................................
if i can be arsed!!!!
From
bikbi and happy tree :-) xxxxx
Wednesday, 10 January 2007
Wednesday 10th January 2007
Heya,
Lol i couldn't think of a title for the blog so i decided to do the date! Sorry its not imaginative! Well im still on a happy streek regardless of the fact that i was ill this morning and am still suffering! Though something that is worrying me are my exams coming up, i really need to do well in these, im starting to have doubts about my career now, i really can't see what i will end up doing as a career. I dont want to be an english teacher or any sort of teacher, that includes choi kwang do btw! If i did end up teaching that, personally i would feel like a failure! Oh we'll have to see what happens wont we! Oh fuck it talking about it still doesn't make me feel any better, im scared! Aghhhhhhhhhhhh! Lol! Though happy about everything else!
Ive been really happy with me and my body recently! Ive only lost a little bit of weight but it has really made a difference to how i feel, i dont think anyone has noticed but i have noticed a change in myself. I am more motivated to make myself look good and trying to make an effort to be more social at college aswell. I mean i dont want to turn into a popular girl, god i would hate that, i would just like to be noticed a bit more, this isn't a major thing for me though! Im quite happy how i am accepted at college at the moment anyway, so everything else is just a bonus now. Maybe thats why its making me so happy. I really need to go to another fft, i really enjoy them and like seeing everybody! Whether they feel the same way is another question, but who gives a fuck, as long as me and my closest friends enjoy ourselves thats all that matters, the rest of the guys can fuck em selves if they dont like me! Cuz to be honest its only Karl and Will that seem to bother with me. But i know Mary has to make an effort with the guys, and i WILL do the same but what Mary has that i dont is an amazing ability to flirt and have interesting conversations. I CAN have interesting conversations but it is a struggle with a guy that i dont know well. For example i can talk with Karl about sport, and with Will about martial arts and with Jason about random stuff (although sometimes it is a struggle! depends on our moods!), but other people like the Michaels and Josh and Robert i have never had a proper conversation with them, they dont seem to bother, but next time i shall make an effort to talk to them all and see what happens. I mean i wont flirt cuz i can't do that very well plus i still live in the shadow of Mary so they would think im trying to be her, but what i WILL DO is be friendly and well....... nice i suppose! Im nice all the time but im sure i can make improvments.
Reading this back i sound like i really want to fit in, i guess where the fft group is concerned i would like to be a bit more popular with them, i would like to get asked to go to things by the actualy organiser not jst through Mary, or maybe get asked to london by some of the guys. Cuz i do consider them all my friends but to be honest with people like Rob and the Michaels their just aquaintances, anyway!!! This blog really has no structure! I should be ashamed! Compared to kt's this is a shambles!!!!
Anyway any comments would be great apreciated!
From
Bikbi xxxx
Lol i couldn't think of a title for the blog so i decided to do the date! Sorry its not imaginative! Well im still on a happy streek regardless of the fact that i was ill this morning and am still suffering! Though something that is worrying me are my exams coming up, i really need to do well in these, im starting to have doubts about my career now, i really can't see what i will end up doing as a career. I dont want to be an english teacher or any sort of teacher, that includes choi kwang do btw! If i did end up teaching that, personally i would feel like a failure! Oh we'll have to see what happens wont we! Oh fuck it talking about it still doesn't make me feel any better, im scared! Aghhhhhhhhhhhh! Lol! Though happy about everything else!
Ive been really happy with me and my body recently! Ive only lost a little bit of weight but it has really made a difference to how i feel, i dont think anyone has noticed but i have noticed a change in myself. I am more motivated to make myself look good and trying to make an effort to be more social at college aswell. I mean i dont want to turn into a popular girl, god i would hate that, i would just like to be noticed a bit more, this isn't a major thing for me though! Im quite happy how i am accepted at college at the moment anyway, so everything else is just a bonus now. Maybe thats why its making me so happy. I really need to go to another fft, i really enjoy them and like seeing everybody! Whether they feel the same way is another question, but who gives a fuck, as long as me and my closest friends enjoy ourselves thats all that matters, the rest of the guys can fuck em selves if they dont like me! Cuz to be honest its only Karl and Will that seem to bother with me. But i know Mary has to make an effort with the guys, and i WILL do the same but what Mary has that i dont is an amazing ability to flirt and have interesting conversations. I CAN have interesting conversations but it is a struggle with a guy that i dont know well. For example i can talk with Karl about sport, and with Will about martial arts and with Jason about random stuff (although sometimes it is a struggle! depends on our moods!), but other people like the Michaels and Josh and Robert i have never had a proper conversation with them, they dont seem to bother, but next time i shall make an effort to talk to them all and see what happens. I mean i wont flirt cuz i can't do that very well plus i still live in the shadow of Mary so they would think im trying to be her, but what i WILL DO is be friendly and well....... nice i suppose! Im nice all the time but im sure i can make improvments.
Reading this back i sound like i really want to fit in, i guess where the fft group is concerned i would like to be a bit more popular with them, i would like to get asked to go to things by the actualy organiser not jst through Mary, or maybe get asked to london by some of the guys. Cuz i do consider them all my friends but to be honest with people like Rob and the Michaels their just aquaintances, anyway!!! This blog really has no structure! I should be ashamed! Compared to kt's this is a shambles!!!!
Anyway any comments would be great apreciated!
From
Bikbi xxxx
Monday, 8 January 2007
Life is good!
Well this week has been a weird one! I can't possibly tell u everything in the right order because my brain just doesn't work like that! Ok well Mary has got a date with Kevin, but wanted to make it a doulbe date, with me and david. I said yes but david said no. Now at this point u'd expect me to be upset, but actaully im bloody happy he said no now!!! I was thinking last night that i can do so much better than him, and at this particular moment im having more joy in fantasising about famous people! Its strange ive never gotten over someone this quickly! Although i think i know the trigger for it, and yes im afraid its related to football! After Mary told me on the phone my heart did sink a bit but then i saw Man Utd win and i just felt very happy. Also discussing my 18th party with my parents made me happy aswell. Im studying hard for my exams at the moment. I mean today i had a 3hr gap, i studied pretty much all the way through. So far the only think ive had to eat today is healthy eating flap jack bar, and that was at about 8.50am!! So yes i am hungry but i cant bring myself to eat, i think that me not eating for over 6hrs during the day is damn good achievment!
I have a sore left shoulder, but thats because i have WAYYYYYY to much in my bag at the moment, but sadly i need it all.
As im writing this blog i can't help but stare at the minute cut on my right hand just below my thumb! Well actualy if i tell you the truth ive been staring at it all day, it seems to make me happy! FUCK KNOWS WHY! I sound like a right weirdo!!!
Dad bought me a ticket for the wwe smackdown, raw was all sold out, but i think i might go on ebay nearer the time and look for tickets to wwe raw. Ive looked today but their only selling ring side ones, which are extremely expensive!!!! And theres no way that i would be able to afford them, even if i did save any form of money that came my way for the next four months! ok ok maybe i would if i did that, but come one that would mean my life would be miserable and i wouldn't want that!!!!
My shoulder really is playing me up! Its my bad one n all. The one i managed to half dislocate last year during Choi Kwang Do demo team practice! Ooooo im remembering the cool shiny uniforms we got for that! Very cool! (maybe not to u but to me their great!)
Im starting to make more of an effort now regarding make up and contact lenses etc etc, its given me a whole new confidence!!!
I must dash now, im meant to be working, although the guy next to me seems to be impressed by how much im writing! hahaha little does he know that im not doing work but writing a blog! Oh well who cares it makes me look smart!
From Bikbi :-)
P.S Happy Tree says hi xxxx
I have a sore left shoulder, but thats because i have WAYYYYYY to much in my bag at the moment, but sadly i need it all.
As im writing this blog i can't help but stare at the minute cut on my right hand just below my thumb! Well actualy if i tell you the truth ive been staring at it all day, it seems to make me happy! FUCK KNOWS WHY! I sound like a right weirdo!!!
Dad bought me a ticket for the wwe smackdown, raw was all sold out, but i think i might go on ebay nearer the time and look for tickets to wwe raw. Ive looked today but their only selling ring side ones, which are extremely expensive!!!! And theres no way that i would be able to afford them, even if i did save any form of money that came my way for the next four months! ok ok maybe i would if i did that, but come one that would mean my life would be miserable and i wouldn't want that!!!!
My shoulder really is playing me up! Its my bad one n all. The one i managed to half dislocate last year during Choi Kwang Do demo team practice! Ooooo im remembering the cool shiny uniforms we got for that! Very cool! (maybe not to u but to me their great!)
Im starting to make more of an effort now regarding make up and contact lenses etc etc, its given me a whole new confidence!!!
I must dash now, im meant to be working, although the guy next to me seems to be impressed by how much im writing! hahaha little does he know that im not doing work but writing a blog! Oh well who cares it makes me look smart!
From Bikbi :-)
P.S Happy Tree says hi xxxx
Thursday, 4 January 2007
Empty
Heya,
dont get me wrong i am happy, but i also feel that there is an empty space in side of me. I think it has something to do with the stress of my exams. I can't wait for them to be over, their really scaring me!! Im also a bit bummed out cuz i need to party again and im not sure when the next one will be. I think it will be Marys. Thats ages away :-( Oh well i want another fft, im in the mood for seeing friends, maybe someone could have one on friday??? Hmm i shall have to look into that one!
Im bored! Im in college and i really dont know what to do, im meant to have key skills next, but i really can't face it. I would love to go home but that means i would leave kt all by herself, and i can't really do that, its mean.
I still havn't seen David since the new years party. I jst wana see how much he actually remembers from the party, cuz at the moment i have no clue how bad his memory loss is!! I put some makeup on and put my contacts in today in the vain hope i would see him. But i havn't. This sounds so sad and desperate, im not even 100% sure i acutally like him still, i would have to see him in order to make my mind up! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Right i was just thinking, i should really take that picture of John Cena down from my myspace!
Im off now,
Bikbi xx
dont get me wrong i am happy, but i also feel that there is an empty space in side of me. I think it has something to do with the stress of my exams. I can't wait for them to be over, their really scaring me!! Im also a bit bummed out cuz i need to party again and im not sure when the next one will be. I think it will be Marys. Thats ages away :-( Oh well i want another fft, im in the mood for seeing friends, maybe someone could have one on friday??? Hmm i shall have to look into that one!
Im bored! Im in college and i really dont know what to do, im meant to have key skills next, but i really can't face it. I would love to go home but that means i would leave kt all by herself, and i can't really do that, its mean.
I still havn't seen David since the new years party. I jst wana see how much he actually remembers from the party, cuz at the moment i have no clue how bad his memory loss is!! I put some makeup on and put my contacts in today in the vain hope i would see him. But i havn't. This sounds so sad and desperate, im not even 100% sure i acutally like him still, i would have to see him in order to make my mind up! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Right i was just thinking, i should really take that picture of John Cena down from my myspace!
Im off now,
Bikbi xx
Tuesday, 2 January 2007
Guys..........GEEZE!!!
Ok ok, so after having a conversation with Mary ive decided and have proof that guys are useles and stupid!!! Yes thats right, STUPID! :-) I know i should have realised this sooner but i was ignoring up until a few months ago. Mary asked why is that no guy can ever compliment u about something other than what u look like. Which is why i never get complimented, if they new me they would know that i have tons and tons of extremely good qualities. But hey its there loss, i have decided that i have better things to do than try and get guys. STUFF EM!
So therefore with that statemeant in mind, JOHN CENA TRYS TO BE BLACK!! I have supressed this for as long as i possibly can but now i just cant take it any more. After reading an interview he did with Snoog Dog, i almost collapsed on the floor in absolute laughter and probably would have wet myself if i read it again! So JOHN CENA, you are no longer overall cool in my books now. I may still like to admire ur looks but as for u as a person. TAKE A HIKE!
As you can see im in a very happy mood! I was tranquil but now its GIRL POWER all the way!
Right im off to listen to some Spice Girls songs!!!
Bikbi xxx
So therefore with that statemeant in mind, JOHN CENA TRYS TO BE BLACK!! I have supressed this for as long as i possibly can but now i just cant take it any more. After reading an interview he did with Snoog Dog, i almost collapsed on the floor in absolute laughter and probably would have wet myself if i read it again! So JOHN CENA, you are no longer overall cool in my books now. I may still like to admire ur looks but as for u as a person. TAKE A HIKE!
As you can see im in a very happy mood! I was tranquil but now its GIRL POWER all the way!
Right im off to listen to some Spice Girls songs!!!
Bikbi xxx
Monday, 1 January 2007
The day after!
Hey again,
Ok so its the day after the party and it went really really well! I had so much fun i didn't honestly want to leave! But it was getting late and we had quite a journey home. Well to my suprise there was this guy called David from my college who i had liked for while, he was there! Totally random! And he spoke to me! i know this may seem petty and stupid but he doesn't talk that much to anyone in english or media so it was nice to get to know him! At one point in the night i ended up having to help him drink a glass of water because he couldn't hold the glass himself and B he needed the water!!! So overall it was a very good night and i thoroughly enjoyed it. And what made it better was that no one cared about what people looked like, i felt so comfortable around everyone it twas great!
Mary, Kinjal and Will stayed over and didn't leave untlil late, which was nice because i enjoy their company and we all get along well and had fun! I also liked the fact that we walked down to Sainsburys, if there was any of the rest of the group there, they would have turned their nose up at walking there, so overall it twas good!
Im sure there is probably more i could write but for the moment i can't think of it!
Bikbi xxx
Ok so its the day after the party and it went really really well! I had so much fun i didn't honestly want to leave! But it was getting late and we had quite a journey home. Well to my suprise there was this guy called David from my college who i had liked for while, he was there! Totally random! And he spoke to me! i know this may seem petty and stupid but he doesn't talk that much to anyone in english or media so it was nice to get to know him! At one point in the night i ended up having to help him drink a glass of water because he couldn't hold the glass himself and B he needed the water!!! So overall it was a very good night and i thoroughly enjoyed it. And what made it better was that no one cared about what people looked like, i felt so comfortable around everyone it twas great!
Mary, Kinjal and Will stayed over and didn't leave untlil late, which was nice because i enjoy their company and we all get along well and had fun! I also liked the fact that we walked down to Sainsburys, if there was any of the rest of the group there, they would have turned their nose up at walking there, so overall it twas good!
Im sure there is probably more i could write but for the moment i can't think of it!
Bikbi xxx
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