I wish........

that i went into london today with mary. College is boring and hardly anyone is in. Not cath, kat or anne. Its just me and Daniel. Ive exhausted the internet, there are only so many articles i can read on Van der Sars broken nose or how big phil thinks Ronaldo should go to Barcelona! Lol! Im sooo hungry! Though my new found fitnes and diet regieme is stopping me from eating. Ive decided to do some basic exercise in the evening and morning. Including sit ups, press ups, squats and something else im not sure of the propper name!! I was very motivated last night. The reason was because i was talking about my birthday party and i really want to look good for my 18th and the summer as well, so that has spured me on to loose weight and look good! I have no idea how long this phase will last! I think im going to look back to the rosemary connely diet, i lost a lot of weight on that! Eeeeeeek months of hell is to come! Oh great!!!

Well my sis was in hospital with Apendicitus! So she had her appendix whipped out on friday evening! There is soooo much i could moan about regarding her, the hospital and the nhs in general. I wont bore u to death so put it this way, when im older if i can afford it, i will go private!! There is no effing way im gona put my life or my families life in the hands of the nhs ever again (if i can help it!). Well my sis came home yesterday, shes walking like an old man! Which is funny. I told her she can now do dot to dot on her stomach, she wasn't best pleased!!

Im really hungry still! My gosh i dont think i can wait another hour! Oh well looks like i'll have to! Ive been on ebay looking for wwe raw tickets, ive found some that look good, but the college computers went weird and i had to log off and then i tried again and the same thing happened! So im not gona bother looking here, im gona wait till i get home!

Last week went really quickly, i was genuinly going to do lots of guitar practice, but the week went to quickly that i never actually got to do any. So when i get back today, im going to write and practice like mad, in the vain hope my guitar teacher wont notice the lack of practice! I'll let u know how that goes.

It really sucks that no one is here! The one day i bring the invites for the girly night Anne isn't here and neiter is anyone else! The only one i handed out was to Joanna and the chances of her coming are very very very small! Oh well thats the way it goes i suppose! Oh yeh, and i have been lugging around kats belt in my bag as well. Its bloody heavy! And guess what, shes not here! Though i think she has a good excuse, i think shes taking her driving theory!!! But still, my bag is wayyyyy heavier than it should be. Most of the stuff i brought today i didn't even need. I tell you, Media better be worth going to, otherwise im gona sooooo angry that today is a waste of my time. I could have been in london have a good time and stuffing myself with Pizza and meeting famous people. But no, my dad guilt tripped me into coming here, and for what? NOTHING. Im very pissed off at the moment. Im hungry,no one is here, in lonely, Wayne Rooney may be out of the England game and Edwin Van der Sar has broken his nose. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Although on a lighter note, the England Rugby team beat Scotland 42-20!! Woo and Man Utd crushed Tottenham 4-0! hahahahahahahahaha at White Hart Lane as well! Wooo we rule! And see John 0'shea in goal was the funniest thing ive seen all year! He managed to stop a dead cert goal by tackling the player! But he did fail to catch any of the balls he just punched desperately at them! Very funny!!

Had a dream about Ronaldo last night, i dreamt i was dancing with him! And then i was some kids communian and then i was in a skl. And mary had told me to wait in the loos and she would meet me there. So i waited and she didn't come. So i stormed into what must have been my classroom and started to yell at Mary becasue she left me there. Man i got angry. I dont think there was a teacher there, if there was, i didn't see one! I wonder what that dream means anyway???? Oh well!

Another thing related to my sisters hospital stint was that apparently I was the one keeping everything together!!!! Lol! I was being the positive, happy one. This confuzzles me because i was really really scared and didn't feel happy at all. On sunday at dinner, i told my sister to smile and my mother replied "she can't smile when shes in pain" Stupid cow. I was only trying to cheer my sister up. So i got stroppy and did the emotive "I was only trying to help, no one bothers to listen to me, im going into the other room" My Dad followed and said that i had been a big help and he also said he told my mother off for being horrible! My mum has really pissed me off lately, i know the hospital thing was hard on her, but it was hard on me too. Just because i wasn't by my sister 24/7 doesn't mean that i dont care about her. I was really really scared on Thursday when my mum told me about Cath. I was standing in the middle of the mosh pit trying not to cry or go home that instant. I did enjoy the gig but i hardly slept that night. I dont think anyone knew how much it affected me, all i could think of was what happens if she gets a super bug or if the surgeons cut an artery. Im gona stay out of the way this week, my parents are asking me questions all the effing time and i can't handle it. Im just getting depressed, i have no idea why and no reason to either.

I guess part of the reason is that i feel im slipping away from Mary. She seems to spend tons of time with the guys and now shes got Steve. Also Kinjal seems to know a lot more about what Mary gets up to than i do. I feel im competeing for best friend spot with Kinjal. I dont want to do that. I havn't had any alone time with Mary for ages, i tried to make arrangements for yesterday because i thought thats what Mary wanted, but she said she was busy with her mum. I mean thats fine but i did think that she wanted to do something that day, it was her idea and all of a sudden shes changed her plans. It pissed me off a bit because i wanted to go out, i needed to get out of the house badly, my parents were moaning and my sis was being lippy. Oh well!!!

In the group i feel 2nd best to everyone, no one seems to really talk to me that much, via karl. Im trying but i still feel unwanted.

My god i dont think i will write anymore! It looks like ive turned really emo! Which is a bad thing!!

Right, comment me!!!

Bikbi xxxx