Heya,
Lol i couldn't think of a title for the blog so i decided to do the date! Sorry its not imaginative! Well im still on a happy streek regardless of the fact that i was ill this morning and am still suffering! Though something that is worrying me are my exams coming up, i really need to do well in these, im starting to have doubts about my career now, i really can't see what i will end up doing as a career. I dont want to be an english teacher or any sort of teacher, that includes choi kwang do btw! If i did end up teaching that, personally i would feel like a failure! Oh we'll have to see what happens wont we! Oh fuck it talking about it still doesn't make me feel any better, im scared! Aghhhhhhhhhhhh! Lol! Though happy about everything else!
Ive been really happy with me and my body recently! Ive only lost a little bit of weight but it has really made a difference to how i feel, i dont think anyone has noticed but i have noticed a change in myself. I am more motivated to make myself look good and trying to make an effort to be more social at college aswell. I mean i dont want to turn into a popular girl, god i would hate that, i would just like to be noticed a bit more, this isn't a major thing for me though! Im quite happy how i am accepted at college at the moment anyway, so everything else is just a bonus now. Maybe thats why its making me so happy. I really need to go to another fft, i really enjoy them and like seeing everybody! Whether they feel the same way is another question, but who gives a fuck, as long as me and my closest friends enjoy ourselves thats all that matters, the rest of the guys can fuck em selves if they dont like me! Cuz to be honest its only Karl and Will that seem to bother with me. But i know Mary has to make an effort with the guys, and i WILL do the same but what Mary has that i dont is an amazing ability to flirt and have interesting conversations. I CAN have interesting conversations but it is a struggle with a guy that i dont know well. For example i can talk with Karl about sport, and with Will about martial arts and with Jason about random stuff (although sometimes it is a struggle! depends on our moods!), but other people like the Michaels and Josh and Robert i have never had a proper conversation with them, they dont seem to bother, but next time i shall make an effort to talk to them all and see what happens. I mean i wont flirt cuz i can't do that very well plus i still live in the shadow of Mary so they would think im trying to be her, but what i WILL DO is be friendly and well....... nice i suppose! Im nice all the time but im sure i can make improvments.
Reading this back i sound like i really want to fit in, i guess where the fft group is concerned i would like to be a bit more popular with them, i would like to get asked to go to things by the actualy organiser not jst through Mary, or maybe get asked to london by some of the guys. Cuz i do consider them all my friends but to be honest with people like Rob and the Michaels their just aquaintances, anyway!!! This blog really has no structure! I should be ashamed! Compared to kt's this is a shambles!!!!
Anyway any comments would be great apreciated!
From
Bikbi xxxx
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1 comment:
hello.
I'm so afraid of exams also. And before you say "of course u'll do well" i'd like to point out that i might not and the expectations on me are huge! So what i do is work my arse off, all day, every day and not idly mess on computers. got to grab every opportunity, because the more u work, the more u are likely to know at that cruical moment and besides it makes the fear go away as u know that u are prepared and u've given everything to the cause so if u fail ... its not ur fault, u can attribute it to external factors like the paper was very hard/im just not able enough, which are outside ur control. and thats ok.
Also i've noticed you have become a little more socially active which is great, also ur not fat.
also ur not the only one who can't flirt so dont worry.
And shambles is good. Theres a lot to be seen from shambles writing...how far u go on train of thoughts, when and what type/what triggers thought tangents...lol ..i can read ur mind! lol
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