Well after talking to Kinjal i decided to write a blog, diary really.
At the moment any mention of school, work and exams sends me mad. Id much rather forget about them all. I couldn't even read kt's blog about them because it made me depressed and scared. I should start revising but i can't. The whole stree of university is getting to me aswell. Becasue i HAVE to get a B in english in order for me to go to Portsmouth.
My mum has been really upsetting me lately, not that i can tell her. She always seems to comment about my weight and how i should loose some. I comfort eat so im hardly going to loose weight over the next 6 month am i?? All my friends say i dont need to loose weight, the only person who seems to be nagging about it is my mum. She has given me a complex about it. OK OK so in one sense shes write because i do want to loose weight, but if i loose weight i would like to loose so much that i have a wash board stomach and that im toned. That would be my ideal me, but that is hardly going to happen. I would need a miracle for that, or lots of money, but again that would be a miracle.
Its new years eva tonight. In one sense im looking forward to it. I have two parties to go to, the 1st one is Pauls in the scout hut. There will be no pressure there to look good or try and get off with any one. Everyone is friends and we will just have a good time and not bother about what we look like. However its the next party that im dreading. Its Tim's party. Hes a nice guy ive only met him about 3/4 times. Im going to be one of the only girls there who will be over a size 10. Which makes me feel depressed and my self- esteem will go through the floor as soon as i see mary getting with lots of guys. Im the fat friend. I can guarentee when the clock strikes i will have no one to kiss, Kinjal will be with Will, Mary will be with someone, thats guarenteed, u know someone like Josh or Michael, what ever mood shes in. Im not saying thats a bad thing btw! Go Mary is what i say! I'll stand around hugging people i havn't seen in a while and then hopefully carry on being a sheep to Mary. Which i hate myself for doing but no one else will really talk to me. Sometimes i find it really hard to be bubbly, i never know how to walk up to a person and strike a conversation.
Oh well i shall let ya'll know how things go tonight,
Bikbi
1 comment:
I don't think your fat, I think your strong if that helps in any way. i know you'll still think you are. But hey, you could be a lot fatter. Some fat is good, for many laborious reasons I shall not bore you with lol.
From dalek dave
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